I feel like clay in His hands

You should know that it is really hard for me to focus on anything while listening to Jenn Johnson! All my heart wants to do is worship. I envision singing this music to God while sitting around His Throne one day in heaven!! Here is the song I am currently listening to:

 Oh and to make matters worse much better it was 70 degrees when I woke up this morning. I immediately lit up the apple cider candles and opened the windows! Glorious! To top it off, on the way back from the park I stopped and got ingredients for this!

Pumpkin Chip Muffin

 Ok, now back to why I really got on the blog today! :) Can I just say that I am super thankful that I serve a God who cares enough about me not to let me stay where I am. I may have said this before, but I just can't be more grateful for how God continues to push me. I feel like clay in His hands.

I've had a recent breakthrough (that will be followed by many more, I'm sure!). Isaiah 41:9b says, "For I have chosen you Bobbie and I will not throw you away." Yup... it sure does say Bobbie! :) Then in Jeremiah 1:5 it says, "Before I made you in your mother's womb, I chose you Bobbie. Before you were born, I set you apart for a special work." Realizing that God chose ME is huge. He has a special work JUST for me. No one else can do the things he set in place for me to do.

You know what? God chose you too! If you haven't responded, he's waiting. He has a special work just for you too, and guess what? No one else can fulfill that except you! Just like the song above says:

Come to me, I’m all you need
Come to me, I’m everything

I'm beginning to accept my self for who God made me to be. I want to LOVE who God made me to be. It's a work in progress. I'm choosing to press forward even though I know it can be ugly sometimes.

Romans 12:2 says, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind." I'm getting rid of my old way of thinking about myself and replacing it with a new way of thinking!

I love that 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "God has not given Bobbie a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, and SELF-DISCIPLINE! God has given me power NOT fear. I plan on using it! How about you?

I will leave you with this short paragraph I got from an online article written by Terri Savelle Foy:
"I love the story in the Bible where Jesus told the disciples, "Gather up the fragments so that nothing be wasted." You may think that your past was nothing but a fragmented waste! All those years were wasted. Your childhood was wasted. Your marriage was a waste! God is saying, "Gather up those fragments that nothing be wasted." He chose you with your past, your weaknesses, your temptations, your struggles." 

A special to thanks to those on this journey with me. I love you each and every one of you!

I found a log in my eye

First, let me say, that I am so thankful to serve a God who loves me enough not to let me sit in sin. I would wallow in it, if it were not for the incredible grace of God. So, thanks God!

My previous blog was about how to not let anger, greed, jealousy, or guilt have any place in your heart. Unchecked, those things grow so rampant, you can't love like God intended you to. Well, just recently, I let a whole lot of jealousy enter my heart (along with some pride and envy, which usually walk hand in hand). This really bothered me because not only was it inhibiting how I loved others, it was clouding my heart enough that I was not giving glory and honor to God.

Luckily, because all of this was fresh on my mind... I went into a self-induced reality check!

:: Insert my thoughts ::
[Really Bobbie? Really? You just sat in bible study last week and told all those girls about how jealousy shouldn't have a place in our hearts. Here you are with so much jealousy you can't even focus!]

Really... it was bad. I felt like an absolute horrible person. I moped and even cried. ?!?!?!

Then, this morning, I realized I needed some serious Jesus time. I had to get this mess out of my heart! I knew if I could celebrate this person and truly mean it, the jealousy would subside and there would be more room in my heart and life for God and his Holiness. Otherwise, that jealousy was going to take root, and there's no telling how long it would stick around.

I've been reading through the book of Romans. I missed yesterdays reading and so I know full well, that today's scripture was intended for TODAY!

The first verse I read was Romans 14:12-13
"Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. So let's stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall."
*The "personal account" part of the above scripture got me thinking :: insert my thoughts :: [Do I really want to give a personal account to God of my actions last night? In the grand scheme of life and my purpose on earth, my "actions" were petty and ridiculous]

Next verse Romans 14:18
"So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up."
Even if all my thoughts were going on in my heart and mind... I may as well have been saying them out loud. It is NO different.

This next verse was a doosy. Romans 15:5-6
"May God, who gives this patience  and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus."

 this next verse hit me like a ton of bricks...

"Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."

SHEW. Here I sit crying, thinking about how I missed out on something... giving praise and glory to God.

I hate sin. I hate that it is a constant battle. But I am so thankful that I have God on my side. I know that with Him I can overcome jealousy and pride and envy, and all those other nasty enemies.

I kind of put myself out there with this post. I pray that you will just see me as human, because I am. Sometimes being human makes you feel pretty stickin' horrible, like you suck at life.

For that I am even more thankful for Jesus' sacrifice over death. Thankful that through him I am forgiven and set free. I need it over and over and am so thankful it's always there.

Because I was able to check myself and get into prayer and God's Word about all this, I really was able to overcome this jealousy that was looming in my heart. I was able to forgive myself and talk to/ask forgiveness from the other person. It really is freeing when you can be honest with people. Just like in the verses above, God wants us to aim for harmony and to build each other up! Just like in my blog description above, when you can forgive, give, celebrate, and confess... you are able to love unconditionally! SO TRUE!!!

a new Rhythm to my Heart

Many of you know that Tim went down to the Dominican Republic for a week with 3 others from our church. While he was there his heart was really broken over the amount of poverty and the lives of the people there. I honestly didn't expect it to have such an impact on him because he has been on many mission trips before... but this one was different. I believe it showed him that our worlds are no different when it comes to the plan that God has for His people. God tells us to "GO and make disciples...". We don't have to go to the DR to the do this. God has a plan for every second of our lives right where we are! God used Tim, Jessenia, Carlton, and Little Tim to bring us a message. Don't miss out on WHO God wants you to reach. There are broken people all around us. Don't shy away from telling them about Jesus for fear of what they will say or do. Be BOLD. That is my challenge for myself and for you. Be BOLD. 

As I have been reading this week I keep coming across this theme of LOVE, and JOY, and RIGHTEOUSNESS. I just finished reading a book called Enemies of the Heart by Andy Stanely (which I highly recommend). The whole book is incredible, but the epilogue did an excellent job of summing it up. 

"Confession allows us to come out from hiding. Forgiveness allows others to come out from under cover. Generosity allows us to partner with God as he shows himself in tangible ways to the world around us. Celebration makes us a vehicle through which God communicates his pleasure. That's what you were created for, and that's why these habits have the potential to change so much about our lives. Nothing goes untouched. 

In case you haven't figured it out already, these four habits set us free to love as God intends for us to love. Anger, greed, guilt, and jealousy are the antithesis of love. As long as these four monsters grow unchecked in your heart, your efforts to love will be short-lived, thwarted. No amount of effort on your part can compensate. The purest of motives will not prevail. You cannot love while harboring one or more of these enemies-in the end, they'll overcome." (pg 203-204 Enemies of the Heart)

When I read this I thought of the reasons why I haven't been able to love how God intended me to. In deep areas of my heart I have places of anger, greed, guilt, and jealousy. All of those ugly monsters have been occupying parts of my heart. No more. By holding onto these things I am missing missed out on WHO God wanted to bring into His kingdom using me. I missed out on showing unconditional love to people. Not anymore. Thank you God for your patience with me, for loving me through it all.

My Experiencing God devotional today was spot on with all of this. (Thanks God for encouraging me through my time with you!!) This is going to be a long post from my devo, but it is SO worth the read. 

"Hunger and thirst are the body’s way of telling us that we are “empty.” Our natural response to physical hunger and thirst is to seek food and water to satisfy our need. Each Christian has an inner longing that only Christ’s righteousness can satisfy. But we cannot be filled with righteousness if we are filled with self.

Throughout the Scriptures God emphasizes that the one who longs for Him with all his heart will find Him (Jer. 29:13). As we crave righteousness, we will repent of our sin, and God will remove it from us. Our selfishness will be replaced by the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22–23). The Spirit will make us to be like Christ.

Righteousness is not to be taken lightly, nor is it easily attained. Holy God does not give His righteousness to people indiscriminately. He gives it to those who know they cannot live without it. Our desire for personal righteousness must be powerful, all-consuming, dominating everything we do. Pursuing righteousness means that we value the opinion of God far more than we treasure the opinions of people.

Righteousness is not merely an absence of sin. It is allowing God to fill us with His holiness (Rom. 6:11). It is being like Christ. Jesus is our model of One who sought God’s righteousness first, and then the Father glorified Him. We are not only to seek the kingdom of God, but we are also to pursue His righteousness (Matt. 6:33). If we will hunger and thirst for righteousness, we will be satisfied!" (Experiencing God by Blackaby)

I highlighted the areas that really spoke to me. I hunger and thirst for what God has for me. I want to be made righteous. I yearn to be filled with His holiness. 

Father God, I repent. I'm sorry for hiding those things away in my heart. They were not hidden from you. Thank you for revealing them Jesus. Continue to show me these things so that I can flush out my heart and leave room only for you. Give me a burning passion for your people. Give me a boldness in sharing the gospel and living for you. I don't want to the best christian. I want to be like YOU! I want to love people like you do. Bring me back to this place when I begin to stray. Thank you for being so wonderful. I love Jesus. Thank you for your sacrifice over sin. You are so good to me. I love you.  

On a side note we are being gifted a piano from a precious couple from church. This will be the first song I learn how to play. It is honestly everything my heart wants to say!

BarleyMax & Carrot juice... explained. :)

I have been on the Hallelujah Diet for one week now!

You can read the above link to get a better understanding of what it is I'm doing. I guess I should stop right here and say that I'm not doing this alone. :) My good friend Jillian Anderson is also on this journey with me! It is a bible based, raw, whole, ALIVE, fresh veggies and fruits and nuts and grains kind of deal! Exciting huh? You will be even more surprised when you get to the bottom of this post and see how much I lost in the first week. :)

The first day I had a headache all day... most likely from not having my morning coffee and afternoon soda(s). But overall, the day was good. I felt good about my food choices and I had better mental energy when I wasn't thinking about how bad my head hurt. :)

Second day was rough. My body was trying to fight one last time before it was taken over. I gagged on everything! :)

From then on out I was feeling good! Every once in a while I throw a tiny pity party over foods I choose not to have. But I've made it through two Thanksgiving meals so far... each time I only the salad and cooked veggies that I brought for myself. Talk about Holy Spirit living inside of ya??! I'm thankful for that for sure.

My body feels stronger. One thing I have noticed is that my body needs more rest. :) Or maybe that's parenting my two children.... anyway I've been going to bed early almost every night!

Ok so here it is. This week I lost 5 lbs. My goal is to lose 49 more. Tim and I have a deal that for every pound I lose we will save $5 and at the end of my goal I can take all of the saved money and go on a shopping spree!!! I am soooo looking forward to that. Jillian and I are already planning a girls weekend where the shopping is good!

So far I'm 5 pounds down and $25 in the good. :)

Thanksgiving dinner! Veggie style! :)

I am putting together a list of items that I may try for our Thanksgiving feast this year. Eating healthy doesn't mean giving things up... it's about making right choices. Choices that benefit your body and not your cravings. :)

Vegetarian Stuffing

Easy and Decadent No-Knead Wheat Bread!

I love Spaghetti squash, so that will be a on the menu for sure. I will have to find a vegan parm that I can put on the top.. I <3 Parmesan "cheese"

Sweet Potatoes with Apples and Walnuts

Thanksgiving Meat Loaf this might be a good alternative to turkey. I may have to make a tiny turkey on the side for the hubs. :)

Brandi's Famous Caramel Apple Pie! Can't forget dessert!

Easy Peanut Butter Pie this would be interesting... tofu in a pie?? :)

Chocolate Peanutbutter Pie these two would have to fight over which one of them i would make. :)

Brag time :)

I haven't blogged in a while! I just wrote and saved a blog that I will publish on Sunday afternoon that explains why we are not in Wilmington right now. Haha! The suspense is killing you I'm sure! :)

But... in the mean time can I just tell you how blessed I am??! This is such a fun season of life for our little family. Anna is growing so fast and is such a blessing. She is beautiful and happy and full of joy. Even in the morning when she hasn't eaten for 5 hours she wakes up smiling and grinning from ear to ear. I'm still waiting for her to roll over. I've been giving her more floor time these days because Madison is really good with her. I trust Madison around her more and know she won't hurt her. So now that she's getting more floor time she should start scooting around a little bit! :) Can't wait! When she's not on the floor cooing and flailing her arms... she's a mama's girl!! She loves her mama! She has started laughing and is super ticklish around her neck. :) I love getting those laughs out of her. She is still sleeping awesome at night with just the last few nights exception. :) She has her 4 month well check on Wednesday of next week. Boo for shots. Yay for healthy babies though!

Madison is in to "pretty nails" these days! She is the cutest 2 year old ever! I painted her toe nails a few weeks ago and she insists on having them painted now. :) Any time someone new comes into the house she holds up her foot and says, "look, pretty nails." So cute. Another favorite phrase is, "I love you mommy. I love you sooo much!" Yes! She says this to us! I love it. It amazes me how she picks up on and uses certain words and phrases in the correct context. Like when someone is trying to do something and they finish, Maddy says, "Good job mommy" or "Good job Grandma." She also says, "Great idea" when we mentioned doing something she wants to do! I don't know where she gets this stuff honestly, but it's great!

I fell back into the vicious cycle of food the past couple of days. But after an honest text conversation with a good friend I'm being gracious to myself and starting again. It's a journey, that's for sure. But I need to be healthy both physically and spiritually. I need to crave God. I want to crave Him. I want more out of life than the usual... I want pure joy in Christ and complete reliance on God. I want my life to reflect Christ's in every way. I want to be his vessel.

Father, use me in ways I never imagined. Make me uncomfortable where I'm at and move me in the direction that will glorify you! Show me those people who need you and give me words and actions to show your love.

Floor time is over for Anna... that means time to shut the computer. :) Stay tuned for Sunday. :)

It's official...

We are staying in Jacksonville! I am actually really excited about this! Tim and I have always said that we feel a strong calling to Jacksonville. There is so much ministry to be done in this city. With our families alone there is ministry. With our church there is ministry.

Speaking of our church and ministry... :) When we were planning on moving to Wilmington, Al asked us what would make us stay in Jacksonville. We were like nothing, we are moving. Little did we know that Al must have been talking to the Lord about this already! Well Tim thought about it and he really needed another work option because he was maxed out with hours at Coastal and couldn't bring home enough doing just that. He said well I would love to do ministry with our church. There is a need, so I will just put together a proposal and see what they say.

So that's what we did. We made a proposal to Rock Creek and what'd you know? They accepted it. Tim will start on as the Outreach Coordinator starting this Sunday. :) This is going to be such a blessing because Tim is so passionate about ministry in all aspects of life, but especially in a healthy church environment! Of course this all came together super fast and we believe it did because it's what God has in store for us.

So we are here. In Jacksonville. Doing ministry with a church that is the church. Excited about the things God is doing at Rock Creek.