I found a log in my eye

First, let me say, that I am so thankful to serve a God who loves me enough not to let me sit in sin. I would wallow in it, if it were not for the incredible grace of God. So, thanks God!

My previous blog was about how to not let anger, greed, jealousy, or guilt have any place in your heart. Unchecked, those things grow so rampant, you can't love like God intended you to. Well, just recently, I let a whole lot of jealousy enter my heart (along with some pride and envy, which usually walk hand in hand). This really bothered me because not only was it inhibiting how I loved others, it was clouding my heart enough that I was not giving glory and honor to God.

Luckily, because all of this was fresh on my mind... I went into a self-induced reality check!

:: Insert my thoughts ::
[Really Bobbie? Really? You just sat in bible study last week and told all those girls about how jealousy shouldn't have a place in our hearts. Here you are with so much jealousy you can't even focus!]

Really... it was bad. I felt like an absolute horrible person. I moped and even cried. ?!?!?!

Then, this morning, I realized I needed some serious Jesus time. I had to get this mess out of my heart! I knew if I could celebrate this person and truly mean it, the jealousy would subside and there would be more room in my heart and life for God and his Holiness. Otherwise, that jealousy was going to take root, and there's no telling how long it would stick around.

I've been reading through the book of Romans. I missed yesterdays reading and so I know full well, that today's scripture was intended for TODAY!

The first verse I read was Romans 14:12-13
"Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. So let's stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall."
*The "personal account" part of the above scripture got me thinking :: insert my thoughts :: [Do I really want to give a personal account to God of my actions last night? In the grand scheme of life and my purpose on earth, my "actions" were petty and ridiculous]

Next verse Romans 14:18
"So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up."
Even if all my thoughts were going on in my heart and mind... I may as well have been saying them out loud. It is NO different.

This next verse was a doosy. Romans 15:5-6
"May God, who gives this patience  and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus."

 this next verse hit me like a ton of bricks...

"Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."

SHEW. Here I sit crying, thinking about how I missed out on something... giving praise and glory to God.

I hate sin. I hate that it is a constant battle. But I am so thankful that I have God on my side. I know that with Him I can overcome jealousy and pride and envy, and all those other nasty enemies.

I kind of put myself out there with this post. I pray that you will just see me as human, because I am. Sometimes being human makes you feel pretty stickin' horrible, like you suck at life.

For that I am even more thankful for Jesus' sacrifice over death. Thankful that through him I am forgiven and set free. I need it over and over and am so thankful it's always there.

Because I was able to check myself and get into prayer and God's Word about all this, I really was able to overcome this jealousy that was looming in my heart. I was able to forgive myself and talk to/ask forgiveness from the other person. It really is freeing when you can be honest with people. Just like in the verses above, God wants us to aim for harmony and to build each other up! Just like in my blog description above, when you can forgive, give, celebrate, and confess... you are able to love unconditionally! SO TRUE!!!

a new Rhythm to my Heart

Many of you know that Tim went down to the Dominican Republic for a week with 3 others from our church. While he was there his heart was really broken over the amount of poverty and the lives of the people there. I honestly didn't expect it to have such an impact on him because he has been on many mission trips before... but this one was different. I believe it showed him that our worlds are no different when it comes to the plan that God has for His people. God tells us to "GO and make disciples...". We don't have to go to the DR to the do this. God has a plan for every second of our lives right where we are! God used Tim, Jessenia, Carlton, and Little Tim to bring us a message. Don't miss out on WHO God wants you to reach. There are broken people all around us. Don't shy away from telling them about Jesus for fear of what they will say or do. Be BOLD. That is my challenge for myself and for you. Be BOLD. 

As I have been reading this week I keep coming across this theme of LOVE, and JOY, and RIGHTEOUSNESS. I just finished reading a book called Enemies of the Heart by Andy Stanely (which I highly recommend). The whole book is incredible, but the epilogue did an excellent job of summing it up. 

"Confession allows us to come out from hiding. Forgiveness allows others to come out from under cover. Generosity allows us to partner with God as he shows himself in tangible ways to the world around us. Celebration makes us a vehicle through which God communicates his pleasure. That's what you were created for, and that's why these habits have the potential to change so much about our lives. Nothing goes untouched. 

In case you haven't figured it out already, these four habits set us free to love as God intends for us to love. Anger, greed, guilt, and jealousy are the antithesis of love. As long as these four monsters grow unchecked in your heart, your efforts to love will be short-lived, thwarted. No amount of effort on your part can compensate. The purest of motives will not prevail. You cannot love while harboring one or more of these enemies-in the end, they'll overcome." (pg 203-204 Enemies of the Heart)

When I read this I thought of the reasons why I haven't been able to love how God intended me to. In deep areas of my heart I have places of anger, greed, guilt, and jealousy. All of those ugly monsters have been occupying parts of my heart. No more. By holding onto these things I am missing missed out on WHO God wanted to bring into His kingdom using me. I missed out on showing unconditional love to people. Not anymore. Thank you God for your patience with me, for loving me through it all.

My Experiencing God devotional today was spot on with all of this. (Thanks God for encouraging me through my time with you!!) This is going to be a long post from my devo, but it is SO worth the read. 

"Hunger and thirst are the body’s way of telling us that we are “empty.” Our natural response to physical hunger and thirst is to seek food and water to satisfy our need. Each Christian has an inner longing that only Christ’s righteousness can satisfy. But we cannot be filled with righteousness if we are filled with self.

Throughout the Scriptures God emphasizes that the one who longs for Him with all his heart will find Him (Jer. 29:13). As we crave righteousness, we will repent of our sin, and God will remove it from us. Our selfishness will be replaced by the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22–23). The Spirit will make us to be like Christ.

Righteousness is not to be taken lightly, nor is it easily attained. Holy God does not give His righteousness to people indiscriminately. He gives it to those who know they cannot live without it. Our desire for personal righteousness must be powerful, all-consuming, dominating everything we do. Pursuing righteousness means that we value the opinion of God far more than we treasure the opinions of people.

Righteousness is not merely an absence of sin. It is allowing God to fill us with His holiness (Rom. 6:11). It is being like Christ. Jesus is our model of One who sought God’s righteousness first, and then the Father glorified Him. We are not only to seek the kingdom of God, but we are also to pursue His righteousness (Matt. 6:33). If we will hunger and thirst for righteousness, we will be satisfied!" (Experiencing God by Blackaby)

I highlighted the areas that really spoke to me. I hunger and thirst for what God has for me. I want to be made righteous. I yearn to be filled with His holiness. 

Father God, I repent. I'm sorry for hiding those things away in my heart. They were not hidden from you. Thank you for revealing them Jesus. Continue to show me these things so that I can flush out my heart and leave room only for you. Give me a burning passion for your people. Give me a boldness in sharing the gospel and living for you. I don't want to the best christian. I want to be like YOU! I want to love people like you do. Bring me back to this place when I begin to stray. Thank you for being so wonderful. I love Jesus. Thank you for your sacrifice over sin. You are so good to me. I love you.  

On a side note we are being gifted a piano from a precious couple from church. This will be the first song I learn how to play. It is honestly everything my heart wants to say!